She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
