is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
