8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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