Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
