need another drink. this is the easiest way
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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