Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
