i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there was a trapeze. enough said
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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