tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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