I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
