I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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