The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
