I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
