just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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