based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
