She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
