Fuck appropriateness.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
