ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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