FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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