if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
