we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
and she was petting her beer can
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
