we have officially lost it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
