Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
wow bdsm is so cute
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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