He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
