The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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