fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
