who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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