Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
