My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
