it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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