i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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