i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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