he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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