You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
