I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I love having hate sex.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
