I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
