The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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