i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
