i wish my penis had a tongue
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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