ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
