Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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