I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize