im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
