to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
