Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
