never play flip cup with pint glasses
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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