coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
