using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
