Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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