At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
