names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
