Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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