Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
