I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize