But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
