no, he came in my armpit
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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