i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
