he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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