i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
