i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
