I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
