if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
