Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
