1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
