He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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