Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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