I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
