Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
