why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
