Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
