I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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