Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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