Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
