So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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