I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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