I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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