bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
