i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
True strength comes from lack of pants
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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