I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
