I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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