A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
