Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
