I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
