I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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