It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
