Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
two words: eviction party
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize