woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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