i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize