well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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