Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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