STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
