I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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