I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
