Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am available for nakedness
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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