Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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