After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
