Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
