you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
