uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
