so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
