woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
