I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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