I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
