I want to make a zoo with you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
