I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
