Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
