the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
