I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my being single is dangerous.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize