allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
