I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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