My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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