I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
time to smoke my breakfast
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
