You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
