we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
