final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
